I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't deserve a penis
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
