My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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