do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
