I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
