Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
