2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
