don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
