Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
