what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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