On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
