FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
