Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
