I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
