The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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