You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just tell him i said nine months
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
