you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize