we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
