Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
