As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
