There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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