Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
