Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
