I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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