Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
