Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize