4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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