We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
