She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
