NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
