youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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