Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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