If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize