there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
