Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
