i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
