I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
