she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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