Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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