Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
