its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
