Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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