I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
