I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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