Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
