Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
