Jerry, you need to find god
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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