I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
