hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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