White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
