I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
