hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
