I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
