The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just had sex bonerless
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
