He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
