chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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