my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
