also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize