There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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