Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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