when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drake has all the answers
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
