unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
