Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
