Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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