WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
