he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
