i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
