did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
