youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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