Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
