I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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