maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize