It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
