We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
