my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize