Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
