he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
