Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
