Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
