I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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