Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
no, he came in my armpit
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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