the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
