I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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